Monday's Snackfood Wrap Up: Smokin' Bacon

Today I will be reivewing possibly delicious, unidentified snack 'Smokin' Bacon'.

'Smokin Bacon', as seen on the shelf in a famished daze at 4:30 after a lunch spent searching for the shredded carrot mulch amongst two traditional squid dishes and a fusion squid dish, hold great promise.  "I taste like bacon," they say.  "I promise."

bay-ee-kahn chee

Their packaging presents a strong resumé.  If we romanize the prominent Korean on the package it reads bay-ee-kahn chee.  The first part makes me feel good anyway.  In the bottom left we see what is probably not a Mcnugget cage and probably is a barbeque.  Now I would say that bacon is not barbequed, that it's fried, but I'm no King of the Grill.  In a month I don't hardly medium rare anything.  So fairs fair, maybe for bacon in Korea it's grill or bust.  What I'm trying to say is THIS IS YOUR FREEBIE 'SMOKIN' BACON'.  And it's your only one.

Inspection of the merchandise reveals a fairly standard product.  The edible is a strain of puff of similiar consistency to the American puffed Cheeto.  The streaks of glittering red baco-flavour on the package are more earthly orangy browns, like the hard moist clay that I would dig up and disgard at recess in the third grade looking for rocks with shiny veins of desirable quartz.
Do they taste of bacon?  Vaguely.  They taste more like they remind you of bacon.  They taste like maybe you'd like some breakfast for dinner.  The best way I found to get these snacks to perform was to bite them up just a little bit and then grind them against your inner gum line until they disolve into a pulp.  You can then collect the pulp on your tongue and lather it onto the back of your throat. Breath calmly through your nose while it slides down to avoid reflexive choking or gaging. When I did this they would often taste their most baconish.



In the wild, the larger 'Smokin' Bacon' will have a 
greater chance to reproduce.

Closing Remark: The closest line I can draw between this snack and bacon is that both have increased my chances of heart disease.

That's all for today.  Please let me know if you have discovered any other applicable techniques; I still have to make it through the bag.