300 million years ago the Eath's atmosphere consisted of a much higher level of oxygen (about 50% more). Capitalist biology said "with so much supply, we can increase demand." With more oxygen to fuel them, bugs threw big, too big if you ask anyone with any sense in their head today. (For more about bugs and oxygen, go here)
Now fast forward 300 million. There is less oxygen, there are no bugs with two and a half feet of wings, (I didn't check on this and don't tell me if I'm wrong) and in South Korea 51 million people packed into a space that is nine times smaller than the Canadian province I grew up in. I don't know where the air I breath places in the world ranking of the DCTYD* quotient, but everyone's got a car and the old woman who lives across the street from my apartment burns trash beside her rows of cabbage.
(*Directly Contributing To Your Death)
The point is, why was the cockroach that I killed last night with a sandal in my apartment so god damn big? Surely there should be some sort of inverse reaction to all this. Surely if cockroaches had any sense they would be tiny tiny and gathering at the G20 in Seoul to protest for carbon fuel emission regulations. The worst part of last night came not when it fell to the floor and required to be hit again because it's thick carapace had evolved a resistance to even a well made German Birkenstock, or the volume in deciliters of guts that marred my floor when I finished him (with the sign of the cross, my homage to Boondock Saints). No it in fact the worst part came with I glance up from his mess to find that there was already another mysteriously dead cockroach lying withered on his back on a rag by the sink. Was a vigilante leaving me these grim bones as proof of their work on my behalf?
Sort of. It was Brittney. She left it there "for me to see it." Which is a round about way of saying she hates me and hopes I don't get any sleep. Did you know that as you fall asleep at night you can mistake the sound of your eyelashes scrapping the pillow when you blink for the sound of thin spindle feet scuttling towards you?
The point is, two cockroaches in one day means I'm pretty sure they're trying to crawl into my mouth.
I will not eat you Cock-A-Roach,
I will not eat you boiled or poached.
I don't want to see you raw in the light.
And certainly not in my maw at night.
first!
ReplyDeleteAlso, the anonymous household doesn't get cockroaches because we have little Dong Soo scrub every inch of it everyday after science hagwon. do you have a young korean boy you could make scrub your home?
Unfortunately your little Dong Soo is a bit too expensive for my tastes. I won't abide paying 0 man won. I am in the market only for a little Korean boy who will pay me for the pleasure of cleaning my floors. Let me know if Dong Soo has any keen friends.
ReplyDeleteLittle Dong Soo is a popular and happy boy. He has many friends and some of the more stupid ones are easily tricked into performing menial tasks, and paying for the pleasure. However, I will charge you umm, sam man won for the introduction. Little Dong Soo's grades are slipping, and so we've had to start him at a 4am English Hagwon. I do hope you understand.
ReplyDelete