Big Teasy

No dogs, I never left you.

Dying to know where I've been and what I've been doing? You're a god damn liar. I wrote a nine and a half part mini-series about South East Asia anyway because I know you all have too much time on your hands. You're not stopping to find out the issue of the day from the guy with the binder on the corner of the street. You walked right past him and his big smile, you can read this:

Part 1  Take Off
Part 2  The Phillippines and Effects of Anti-Malarials
Part 3 - 9.5 LATER OK?

Those links go to articles on NearlyRobots.com, which is website I started with Brittney and other friends you probably don't even know unless you are them. I thought all of my friends knew about this venture because I've been flogging it like a dead horse that took fifth place at the Kentucky Derby on Facebook. Yet still people who I assumed placed great weight in my status updates have proffessed their ignorance. What good is the Facer if you don't live on it?

I need a new phone. Thanks for the hand-me-down lil'sis but it turns out once a Telus phone always a Telus phone and the only way I'd ever go back to that company, that ugly ugly baby of a company, is if their brand of brain cancer waves was also found to cause heat vision. This is unfortunate because I spent a solid thirty minutes convincing myself that I didn't need the internet in my pocket and a $55 bill every month to be one of the cool kids. I'm wearing blue and orange plaid right now, button up. Have a fallen so far as the Galaxay SII?

Two days in Toronto and we don't have internet yet. I'm staying in an appartment connected to a church and they've got three wireless networks, all locked, (Anglicans - am I right?). WTFWJD IF HE HAD WIRELESS, HUH? He'd share his access to information with two mid-twenties peaking over the edge of their elongated adolescence, scared and trying not to eat Subway every day in THIS, OUR NATIONS LARGEST CITY! Hurumph. So far all we've got is Tim to come over visually inspect our toilet. He agrees that it does leak every time it is flushed. He'll back back with his wrenches and his cigarette smells tomorrow.

I live three minutes from where they film Much Music interviews. Much Music is Canadian MTV for those that don't know. They are similar, but MTV features much less teen pregnancy. I know what you're thinking, but the UN already condemned us for it so there is no use writting them another letter. Thanks for your concern though, it is admirable. .

Yesterday I was related the story of a girl who accidentally attached a photo of Nicholas Cage instead of herself to a job application. The 'buzz' generated got her an offer from a big social media company. No one ever tells you the way things really are until you're in the middle of it. My new resumé is either going to be an eight by ten glossy of Matthew Mcconaughey's bicep or me with a fake mustache glued to my butt. Expect to hear big things by the end of the week!